Need help with that IKEA furniture assembly?
This impish kitty is here to assist you!
The Letter I Never ReceivedDear Ms. Pare,
Cute cat, but unfortunately, the www page listed above will have to be immediately removed because it violates our copyright and for other legal reasons. As you know, IKEA is the world's leading customer assembled furniture manufacturer, with offices and retail outlets in 263 countries worldwide. We have worked hard to maintain our reputation as the leading retailer in our field, which in large part depends on customer satisfaction with our furniture and other products.
Unfortunately, your page can be interpreted as damaging to our solid and hard earned reputation, because it implies that a cat may be needed in order to assemble our products. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. There are no documented cases of a cat being helpful to assembling any of our customer assembled products. Furthermore, a cat can delay assembly, by behaviours known to persist in cats, such as batting small parts under sofas, getting in the way of persons involved in the assembly, falling asleep on a half-assembled products, and so on. To suggest that a cat may help to assemble our customer assembled furniture and other accessories when in fact quite the opposite is the case may cause damage in terms of time lost to our valued customers in assembling our customer assembled furniture and other accessories, and in terms of parts lost. Often, the presence of a "helpful" cat will cause both of the above problems to persist, sometimes even forcing a customer to call our customer assembled furniture and other accessories hotline to demand assistance or replacement of lost parts for their assembled furniture or other accessories.
For the above reasons (but not necessarily exclusively for the above reasons), we hereby request that the above page be deleted immediately. Failure to do so within 48 hours will result in further actions, including but not limited to legal action. Do govern yourself accordingly.
The IKEA team of lawyers (yes, that is right, we have nothing better to do).
CC: Trademark Office of Canada, Copyright Office of Canada, Better Business Bureau